In an era when technology connects us like never before, WEIRD (Western, Educated, Industrialised, Rich, Democratic) parents are ironically experiencing greater isolation. The disappearance of the traditional 'village' that once supported families has had a significant impact, affecting both practical support and parental mental health.
In the US, 62% of parents say being a parent has been at least somewhat more challenging than they expected, with about a quarter (26%) saying it’s been a lot harder (source: Pew research). Research suggests that a third of new parents ‘feel lonely often or always’. Furthermore, APA research suggests that parents with children under eighteen experience higher levels of stress, with an estimated 5 million experiencing burnout.
Popular child-entric parenting styles are considered to be one of the influencing factors. Modern popular parenting styles include ‘Gentle’, ‘Positive’, ‘Conscious’ and ‘Mindful’, all with ideologies based on developmental psychology and rooted in attachment theories. Social pressure on parents to adhere to these styles is higher than ever, with parents now hyper-aware and fearful of the damage that parenting can inadvertently cause. However, unsurprisingly, there is growing evidence that these increasingly time and labour-intensive methods are associated with poor parental mental health, stress and burnout. Three in four millennial parents practice gentle parenting, with 46% stating they feel burned out (source: Children’s Hospital Of Chicago).
In May 2024, the US Surgeon General released a statement warning of an epidemic of parental burnout, writing, ‘We know that the well-being of parents and caregivers is directly linked to the well-being of their children. The stresses parents and caregivers have today are being passed to children in direct and indirect ways, impacting families and communities.’ This rare move positioned burnout as an urgent public health issue – putting it in the same category as cigarettes. The statement also reported that 41% of parents report that most days, they are so stressed they cannot function and that 48% say that most days, their stress is completely overwhelming.
Comparison culture from social media pressure is compounding the issues. Since being introduced in 2015 by Sarah Ockwell-Smith, #gentleparenting has 286.6M TikTok posts and over 985K on Instagram at the time of writing. 85% of parents say they feel social media creates unrealistic parenting expectations (source: Children’s Hospital Of Chicago), with isolation and shame thought to prevent parents from seeking support (source: APA July 2024). The US Surgeon General stated, ‘Chasing these unreasonable expectations has left many families feeling exhausted, burned out and perpetually behind.’
Shifting Narratives
The search for coping strategies has led to an increase in parenting influencers fetishising a return to ‘traditional’ methods of parenting. Enter the ‘Trad Wives’ currently flooding social media feeds, promoting ‘extreme domesticity’. However, these compelling views of domestic bliss are increasing pressure on parents who feel like failures in comparison.
However, new communities are acting to tackle this comparison culture. In contrast to the Trad Wife movement, these new movements challenge traditional societal expectations, internalised gender norms and parenting myths. Daring to break the taboos and go against the societal expectations of conventional parent tropes, parents are saying the previously unsayable.
Online communities such as Reddit’s ‘regretful parents’ (143K followers at the time of writing) and TikTok’s @kelleydaring (104K followers at the time of writing) have created safe spaces for parents to share their true feelings towards parenthood. While a survey found that 1 in 12 British parents regretted having kids - with the strongest negative feeling among the 25-34 age group - societal expectations and fear of judgement create a cultural taboo. The relative anonymity offered by the internet encourages parents to break the self-censorship and associated stigma of asking for help.
By sharing their anonymous stories, Kelly Daring gives a voice to women who wish they had never had children. Speaking to The Times in August, Daring says,
‘I believe a forum like this is extremely important and long overdue. We do women, especially young women, a disservice by not telling them the whole truth about the various life paths available to them, including marriage and motherhood. Regret is an acceptable emotion in every other area of life. Why must we pretend it doesn’t exist in parenthood?”
In a similar vein, clinical psychologist Dr Caroline Boyd feels that the pressure to parent perfectly exacerbates issues, with one in three new mothers reporting intense feelings of anger. Maternal rage, Dr Boyd suggests, goes against the Western ideal of a ‘good’ mum, i.e. one who is ‘calm, coping and in control,’ a narrative which further fuels feelings of shame. Dr Boyd runs parenting workshops aimed at breaking this taboo, releasing a self-guided course in October 2024 to meet the high demand.
Alternatives to Gentle Parenting
Changes in parenting practices across generations are nothing new, and there are nascent cultural shifts away from gentle parenting practices. Dr Becky, hailed as The Millennial Parenting Whisperer by Time magazine, advocates a new ‘Sturdy’ parenting style to her 2.9 million Instagram followers. In August this year, Dr Becky launched her AI-powered app to share her ‘sturdy’ approach to parenting. Aimed at reducing parental stress and prioritising connections, the app offers personalized scripts and strategies for challenging situations and known pain points.
Dr Becky describes ‘validation and boundary setting as the two pillars of sturdy parenting.’ The app offers parents a library of guidance on areas of conflict, such as phone use, social media, sibling rivalry, bedtimes, etc. It also utilises a chatbot to provide immediate guidance for parents as they navigate daily tantrums and frustrations while trying to preserve their own mental health.
Another parenting style gaining traction is ‘Lighthouse’ parenting, proposed by American paediatrician Dr Kenneth Ginsburg. Due to be published in March 2025, Dr Ginsburg’s Lighthouse parenting manual outlines a more traditionally authoritative style of child-rearing calling for both rules and warmth. Positioned as a middle ground between helicopter and gentle parenting, a Lighthouse Parent stands as a steady, reliable guide, providing safety and clarity without controlling every aspect of their child’s journey. Speaking to iNews, Dr Ginsberg said this parenting style is ‘rooted in the extensively studied balanced, or authoritative, parenting. Balanced parenting has been shown to produce young people with better mental and emotional health and behavioural outcomes.’
Moving away from intensive ‘helicopter parenting,’ the parenting style of ‘benign neglect’ is also gaining popularity. Taking its name from comments made by US actress Jennifer Garner, who lets her kids experience ‘benign neglect’, this approach encourages children to experience low-stakes failures, handle boredom, and solve their own problems. This style helps foster resilience, self-esteem and independence by letting kids experience and embrace mistakes and failure in a safe environment, leading to more robust coping skills and adaptability.
Recreating the Village.
The old proverb ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ expresses the need for many people to create a safe, healthy environment for children. Today, WEIRD (Western, educated, industrialised, rich, and democratic) parents are facing the challenges of raising children outside of traditional cooperative childcare support systems.
Despite daily news reports of falling birth rates, governments have been slow to act. However, change is on the horizon. In 2024, several new initiatives were rolled out to support parents more holistically, addressing issues from childcare affordability to mental health.
For example, the UK’s Flexible Working Bill became law in April 2024 after a campaign led by Anna Whitehouse, aka Mother Pukka, and funded by construction company Sir Robert McAlpine. Similarly, in Hong Kong, the government-sanctioned extension to mat leave cut rates of perinatal depression by 22%. In Canada, a government-backed ongoing social experiment offers heavily subsidised childcare at a cost to parents of C/$10 a day (£5.50).
However, more needs to be done, and in lieu of government agencies and institutional support, brands can step up to support parents. Retailers should consider how they can support parents, acting to build communities of parent consumers. By offering platforms and third spaces, brands can help parents connect, sharing what they’ve been through and their ideas to accommodate their needs as parents.
Brand messaging and communications should also reflect parents' authentic experiences. Brands that can differentiate between parental love for the child and the institute or job of parenting will have a highly receptive audience. Messaging that respects and supports parenting will speak to those who feel isolated, unfulfilled, and undervalued by society. Retailers have an opportunity to include the rest of the village, too, by marketing parent-related products to include those in wider childrearing circles.
The backlash against gentle parenting centres on criticism that it can be overly permissive, potentially leading to entitled behaviour in children, with some arguing that it lacks sufficient boundaries and consequences. Recent research also highlights that it can be unrealistic or exhausting for parents to implement consistently, especially under stress or with limited time and resources.
New initiatives and parenting styles exemplify a shift towards a more holistic support system that aims to meet the needs of both parents and children. Shifting societal narratives and challenging comparison culture also gives parents a more authentic understanding of universal concerns, helping to combat isolation and loneliness. New parenting styles also offer alternatives to the current intensive methods, reflecting the diverse and evolving challenges modern parents face.